๐๐ข๐ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐ก๐๐ฏ๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ก๐จ๐ฅ๐ ๐ ๐ฌ๐๐๐ซ๐๐ญ ๐๐จ๐ซ ๐๐ง ๐๐๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ญ ๐ข๐ง ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐๐๐ฆ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฒ?
โฃโ โฃโ Keeping secrets in families, especially across generations can be harmful for the family and the holder of the secret.โฃโ โฃโ Take the example above. Here the mother and child who know about the affair form a family subgroup. This can be damaging to the rest of the family unit. Others in the family may feel that something has changed in the daughter, but she is unable to share openly for fear of betraying her mother and hurting her father. โฃโ โฃโ
๐๐ก๐ ๐จ๐ง๐ ๐ฐ๐ก๐จ ๐ก๐จ๐ฅ๐๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐ฌ๐๐๐ซ๐๐ญ ๐๐๐ง ๐๐๐๐จ๐ฆ๐ ๐ฌ๐ฒ๐ฆ๐ฉ๐ญ๐จ๐ฆ๐๐ญ๐ข๐. They can express the stress of the situation through challenging behaviour, anxiety or physical symptoms.โฃโ โฃโ The holder of the secret can also feel left out of the family fun, no longer able to play freely with their siblings. They feel somehow different and become older before their time.โฃโ โฃโ If this is you, know that you CAN heal from this. It is best done with a trained therapist who can lovingly guide you through the complexities of the family dynamics. โฃโ โฃโ If you have inadvertently done this with a child, it is a good idea to help lift the burden from that child and seek some family counselling to ensure it is done in the most appropriate way for all.โฃโ โฃโ ๐๐๐๐ฅ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐๐ซ๐จ๐ฆ ๐๐๐ฆ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ฌ๐๐๐ซ๐๐ญ๐ฌ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ and it can take time. Be gentle with yourself on yourย #healingjourney.
Love, Jen