Why are Family Secrets Toxic?

๐ƒ๐ข๐ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐ก๐š๐ฏ๐ž ๐ญ๐จ ๐ก๐จ๐ฅ๐ ๐š ๐ฌ๐ž๐œ๐ซ๐ž๐ญ ๐Ÿ๐จ๐ซ ๐š๐ง ๐š๐๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ญ ๐ข๐ง ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐Ÿ๐š๐ฆ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฒ?

โฃโ โฃโ Keeping secrets in families, especially across generations can be harmful for the family and the holder of the secret.โฃโ โฃโ Take the example above. Here the mother and child who know about the affair form a family subgroup. This can be damaging to the rest of the family unit. Others in the family may feel that something has changed in the daughter, but she is unable to share openly for fear of betraying her mother and hurting her father. โฃโ โฃโ 

๐“๐ก๐ž ๐จ๐ง๐ž ๐ฐ๐ก๐จ ๐ก๐จ๐ฅ๐๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ฌ๐ž๐œ๐ซ๐ž๐ญ ๐œ๐š๐ง ๐›๐ž๐œ๐จ๐ฆ๐ž ๐ฌ๐ฒ๐ฆ๐ฉ๐ญ๐จ๐ฆ๐š๐ญ๐ข๐œ. They can express the stress of the situation through challenging behaviour, anxiety or physical symptoms.โฃโ โฃโ The holder of the secret can also feel left out of the family fun, no longer able to play freely with their siblings. They feel somehow different and become older before their time.โฃโ โฃโ If this is you, know that you CAN heal from this. It is best done with a trained therapist who can lovingly guide you through the complexities of the family dynamics. โฃโ โฃโ If you have inadvertently done this with a child, it is a good idea to help lift the burden from that child and seek some family counselling to ensure it is done in the most appropriate way for all.โฃโ โฃโ ๐‡๐ž๐š๐ฅ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐Ÿ๐ซ๐จ๐ฆ ๐Ÿ๐š๐ฆ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ฌ๐ž๐œ๐ซ๐ž๐ญ๐ฌ ๐ˆ๐’ ๐‘๐„๐€๐‹ and it can take time. Be gentle with yourself on yourย #healingjourney.

Love, Jen