Ghosting hurts. A poll on this Instagram account into how ghosting made people feel came up with a myriad of reasons, with the most common being ‘confused’. Ghosting leaves the person being ghosted with a lack of clarity and in a state of confusion.
When asked as a community, ‘Why did you ghost?’ the answers were more varied:
- people didn’t see a future
- felt attacked and unheard
- boundaries being violated
- being gaslighted
- not knowing how to handle the situation
- intuitively knowing the person was bad news, they were too toxic,
- they were too clingy,
- I couldn’t face my feelings
- ghosting was my easy way out
- I was too scared to leave
There are a lot of different reasons here. The question is how close you feel you can stay to the truth of the situation whilst imagining how the other person might feel to hear what you have to say. And this is when we bump into that old dilemma of harsh truth versus kindness. If kindness dictates a respectful text or conversation to end the relationship rather than ghosting, reading through the list above might be helpful.
Do be as transparent as possible. If there is no hope for the relationship moving forward, let the other person know. Let them move forward and be clear. Although it might hurt in the short term, in the long term you are allowing them to move on.