Your Brain Can Sabotage Your Relationships
Have you ever felt that you are in negative overdrive? Every little thing your partner does is driving you crazy, and you only seem to focus on what they are doing wrong. The reticular activating system’s (RAS) primary function is to help you focus on the things around you that are important. So, if you are walking down a street looking for a toilet, you will suddenly see all the signs on the road as you look for a bathroom.
It also tends to validate your beliefs, so if you have been having a hard time in your relationship, it will overly focus on all the small things they do that align with that belief. You might notice they left their socks on the floor, they left their bowl in the sink unwashed, and they went to work and left the bin overflowing.
When this is happening, we need to do something to balance the effect of the RAS. Think of just ONE positive thing about them. Hold it in your mind. Think deeply about that quality or action. Then allow a second positive thing about them to come. Hod that in your mind and focus on it. This will help to re-balance the negative effect of the RAS.
Remember that this isn’t about denying what’s not working; it’s about finding balance and finding out what’s real when we are in negative overdrive.
Enjoy the practice!
Much love, Jen
Warning: if you are in an abusive relationship, this doesn’t apply. Seek help immediately.