If boundaries with ourselves are too flexible, we tend to struggle with boundaries with others.
What does a boundary with yourself sound like?
- “I agree not to check my work emails after 6pm”
- “I will not eat the whole container of ice cream when I am feeling down, I will call my friend”
- “I agree not to call my ex when I am feeling down”
- “I will not spend more than my weekly budget”
Some people find it useful to write down a few boundaries they would like to have with themselves.
Now, here is the trick. Make your commitment SUPER easy to achieve. So, if for example, you are currently checking your emails until 9pm, choose to stop at 8.30pm. Maybe turn off the internet after 8.30pm so you can’t look.
When you have done that for 7 days CELEBRATE!!! So often nobody knows about your small wins, if you are like me, you might have a tendency to minimise your wins with something like “Well, I am only not reading them now after 8.30pm, most people already do that so it is not a big deal”. In this one thought I am totally invalidating what I have achieved. This is the moment to step into my loving inner parent persona and say “Well done Jen! I am so proud of you managing to not check emails after 8.30pm! I know you were really tempted a few times, and it is difficult with everything going on at work. To celebrate we are going to take a LONG bath and listen to your favourite music”.