If you grew up with a caregiver, who was not attuned to your needs, who put their needs before yours, over time, you learn to deny your needs.
It can then be difficult to identify your needs as an adult because you have become so disconnected from your body and your needs. You have learnt that having needs is annoying for your caregiver, or worse, it is dangerous. If you are consistently shouted at, shamed or hit for asking for what you need, it is natural to start to hide your needs. First from your caregiver and then from yourself.
As an adult, it can then be difficult to identify what you need in any given situation. It can even be challenging to know if you are hungry, or what you would like to eat, what you would like as a gift, or what kind of connection you would like to have with others. If you identify with this, know that this makes sense.
Reconnecting with your needs and your body then becomes part of your healing journey. There are many ways to begin to reconnect to the body. For me, two of the most powerful ways I have used to reconnect to my body and my needs are yoga and somatic psychotherapy in the form of Gendlin’s ‘Focusing’.
A fabulous, short, easy to read book on how to practice Focusing is “The Power of Focusing” by Ann Weisner Cornell.
I hope you have a great week,