I cannot overstress the importance of congruence when parenting.
- Children learn to trust themselves.
- They learn to trust other people.
- They learn how to own up to their mistakes.
- They learn to tell the truth.
When parents are INCONGRUENT children learn:
- To doubt their version of reality.
- To not trust themselves and even things they see and hear.
- that people are not honest or safe.
Parental congruence is an important part of the emotional intelligence learning process for children.
It is so easy as a parent to deny things that are real because they are too difficult to explain, because you might share with your child and cry through the whole sharing. It is okay for your child to see you cry; it can be a relief for them to know that their parent also has strong feelings.
It is powerful for a child to witness how a healthy parent feels and expresses their emotions, and how they come back from those strong feelings.
This is how children learn healthy self-regulation.
Much love, Jen