Something I haven’t seen talked about anywhere else is the phenomenon where an avoidant will create an anxious attachment out of a normally securely attached person. Can this happen? Yes! I know because I have had this experience myself. I grew up with a secure attachment to my mother, but historically (and I’m talking over 20 years ago) I can have side portions of anxious or avoidant depending on the person I am with and what is going on in my life. With all of my partners I had a secure attachment, the signals from my partners were those I was used to in an intimate relationship. Then I bumped into an avoidant and I was TOTALLY confused. The mixed messages were just crazy. One minute we are off on a weekend away together and it is fantastic, it is easy, the conversation is great, the intimacy is awesome. Then we get back and he backs right off. What happened? I found myself second-guessing what was going on. I found myself feeling ANXIOUS! When I dated an avoidant, this was the first time it had ever happened to me. It felt horrid. Because I was getting mixed messages from him, I would back off. I would try not to get too invested. I really liked him, but it felt like too much hard work.