When I first met my inner child doing an inner child meditation similar to the one on my website, she was about 16, sitting on a wall, wearing knee length leather boots, smoking a cigarette with a cigarette holder. She was so angry.
This is not what I had expected at all! I thought the inner child was supposed to be this sweet, pigtail wearing 6-year-old who I was supposed to have fun with. No. Not for me at the start. The first version I got was of my angry teenager, and she didn’t want a bar of me.
Every time I tried to make contact with her, she would turn her back to me, swear at me and continue smoking. Just for clarity, at 16 I was not smoking, was definitely not wearing knee high boots and was quite a ‘good girl’.
So, as the guided meditation went on, I had to kind of stop following it and attend to her. She was furious with me. So angry that she had been left alone to deal with everything life had thrown at her. I sat with her and let her shout at me and express her anger. I heard everything she had to say and apologised over and over again. I spent time validating her experiences and being with her. Finally, she was done. She agreed to meet me again and I left the meditation.
Over the years I have spent time getting to know all the parts of my inner child at many different ages. Each age seems to hold new gems of self-discovery and power that have been locked away.
Part of re-parenting is about learning about your inner child, letting them know how loved and wanted they are. It is about learning to be with the often angry, hurt, rejected part of self and loving it. It is learning to be the voice of love and acceptance that might have been missing for your actual childhood.
What lights up your inner child? (For me, right now as I ask – it is being in the sun).