Tag: Relationships

t is Not Weak to Yearn For Deep Connection When connection hasn’t been safe, or you have felt rejected and unloved, you might find yourself pulling away from connection to protect your heart. You decide that you are safer alone. That people can come close, but not too close. You decide that it is safer to rely only on yourself. You become incredibly independent. You are praised for your level of independence. But inside you are lonely. You wonder why you haven't met the right person, why you feel blocked in your relationships. You desperately want to let someone in, but you are so afraid.

It is Not Weak to Yearn For Deep Connection

May 1, 2021

Relational patterns can be difficult to shift. I find it is in the small moments of change that big shifts occur. If you would like to work on your relational patterns, you might enjoy my upcoming course, ‘Relationship Cycle Breaker’. …

Read More

WHEN YOU ARE IN PATTERN REPEAT… Become aware that you are experiencing a pattern Be curious about that pattern, be gentle with yourself Know that it has come from somewhere, and be gentle again Ask yourself: What do I truly want? Are my actions moving me towards that or away from it? What can I do differently to move towards what I really want? How can I be accountable for implementing these things? What gift can I give myself when I succeed? How will it feel when I have what I truly want? Image that for a moment, what does it feel, look, smell like?

When You Are In Repeat Pattern…

April 26, 2021

We have all been there, at that moment when you are doing precisely the same thing AGAIN. You are in pattern repeat, a cycle. For example, you are annoyed that your partner just spent a whole lot of the family …

Read More

Things for Cycle Breakers To Remember About Family Your family will always be your family, and it is up to you how much time you spend with them. You are allowed to have friends outside of the family unit. You are allowed to have beliefs, thoughts, opinions and interests that are not generally held in your family. You are not alone. Most families have at least one cycle breaker. You are not obligated to have relationships with unhealthy people just because they are your family. It is difficult to have healthy relationships with people who don't want healthy relationships. Managing expectations. What are they capable of? Aligning expectations with capability. It’s okay to be different. You are likely to find another family outside of your family unit. Hopefully, you can have both.

Things for Cycle Breakers To Remember About Family

April 26, 2021

For all the cycle breakers out there, this is for you. When you feel like you don’t belong in your family, you just feel somehow different, know that you are not alone. It’s okay to see patterns in your family …

Read More

When We Argue I Wonder if This is The Right Relationship For Me When two people come together, so do two completely different worlds. It is NORMAL for some arguments and differences to be resolved as you get closer and enter into more intimacy. This is part of the trust-building process. Can we be different and still stay connected and be curious about each other’s world? Can we disagree, and both still feel safe, physically, mentally and emotionally. You really get to know someone when you argue.

When We Argue I Wonder if This is The Right Relationship For Me

April 23, 2021

When the Princess meets the Prince in the Disney movies, it is happily ever after. We don’t see the scenes a year on when they argue about when to have a child, where to live, and how much contact there …

Read More

I get so upset when he doesn’t know what I need. Why is that? When our parents were dismissive of our needs, we learned that our needs didnt matter, and started to disconnect from our needs in general. So, it is not surprising, when your partner doesn't automatically know what you need, that you become genuinely distressed.

I Get So Upset When He Doesn’t Know What I Need. Why Is That?

April 20, 2021

There were so many comments on point 1 in yesterday’s post, ‘unrealistic relationship expectations: my partner should be able to read my mind’ that I thought it was worth unpacking.  It is often the case that we think we are …

Read More

3 Tips to Change How You argue

April 18, 2021

This video has some AMAZING tips to revolutionise the way you have conflict in your relationship

Read More

When We Are Afraid of Really ‘Showing Up’ We Run The Risk of Gaslighting the Other Person

April 18, 2021

Let me give you an example. Some of the parenting I had growing up was quite sharp and stern. Rules were not made to be broken, they were made to be followed, and there were consequences when they were not …

Read More

How Do I Know If I Am ‘Showing Up?’

How Do I Know If I Am ‘Showing Up?’

April 13, 2021

When we don’t ‘show up’ in our most intimate relationships, we limit the depth of connection that can be achieved.  I think most of us want to ‘show up’, but we are held back.  We are held back by: fear …

Read More

It is time to stop expecting people to show up for you who don’t have the capacity to do it? Have you ever wasted time expecting people to show up for you who don’t have the capacity to do it? It’s like waiting for the sky to rain candy. No matter how much you love the sky, it simply doesn’t have the capacity to rain candy. You can stand there and wait and wait, but you are setting yourself up to be let down.

Is It Time To Stop Expecting People to Show-Up for You Who Don’t Have The Capacity To Do It?

April 13, 2021

Tough question: When we are feeling let down by someone, ask yourself this question, ‘do they have the capacity to show up for me in the way I need?’  If the answer is ‘no’, they can’t show up for me …

Read More

You think you will be judged or rejected You assume the other person will be upset You doubt the validity of your needs You avoid potentially uncomfortable situations and conflict You lack the skills to communicate assertively

Why do you Avoid Being Assertive?

April 13, 2021

There are many reasons people avoid being assertive. I find the two biggest reasons are:⁣ ‘The other person will be upset’ (conflict avoidance) and ‘I have no idea how to do it’. ⁣ Let’s take ‘The other person will be …

Read More