When someone comes at you with criticism, the natural response is to defend. Criticism is a form of attack, so it is natural to protect instinctively unless you know how criticism and defensiveness play out in a relationship. Those of …
Tag: non-defensive response
Attunement in Relationships
When we are in long-distance relationships, the need to attune to one another is even greater. Dr Gottman has a fabulous acronym to remember in all relationships. Often, we have awareness, the first step, but we can struggle with the …
How To Be Heard When You Feel Criticised
It can be SO difficult to actually listen to your partner when you are in the middle of an argument. All too often, we block ourselves from seeing their point of view because we feel we will be agreeing with …
How Do I Know If I Am ‘Showing Up?’
When we don’t ‘show up’ in our most intimate relationships, we limit the depth of connection that can be achieved. I think most of us want to ‘show up’, but we are held back. We are held back by: fear …
3 Tips to Reduce Your Defensiveness
The four communication styles that have a negative impact on your relationships: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. Everyone will have a favoured method. Mine is defensiveness. Defensiveness is a response to criticism and tends to increase conflict because the other …
Attuning for Trust
When we are in long distance relationships, the need to attune to one another is even greater. Dr Gottman has a fabulous acronym to remember in all relationships. Often, we have awareness, the first step, but we can struggle with …