𝐃𝐢𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐚 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲? Keeping secrets in families, especially across generations can be harmful for the family and the holder of the secret.Take the example above. Here the mother and child …
Tag: healing journey
Reparenting Interrupts Intergenerational Trauma
One way trauma passes through family lines is from parent to child. Let’s imagine that someone’s father grew up with an alcoholic father. To escape his family home, he joined the army, where he was exposed to more stressful and …
Skilful and Unskilful Boundary Setting
A great formula to remember when setting boundaries is: “I feel _____________ when ______________, and I need ______________________”. Think about the difference between: “You are late again, you don’t care about me, it is so disrespectful” and “I feel disrespected …
The Potential Benefits of Discussing Family Issues Are
“In your dreams!” I hear many of you thinking as you read this tile, and for many of you that is true. Having family discussions about important issues can be a disaster for everyone involved depending on the emotional maturity …
Things That Might Prevent A Family from Discussing Issues Are
At the first sign of disagreement, uncomfortable issues or emotions, does your family ‘shut down’? Shutting down is often done to protect the individuals and the family system and is often done because the members simply don’t have the skills …
How to Talk to Your Family About Cycles You Would Like to Break
A lot of cycle breaking that takes place in families happens without much open discussion. Often families don’t have the language or willingness to discuss things which might be unhealthy for one or more members. Things that might prevent a …
Understanding Why the People in Your Family Are as they Are
Taking time to understand your family is part of the healing process. As we get to know our parents, for most of us there are parts that we love and respect and parts that drive us crazy. If you have …
How to Support Yourself as a ‘Cycle Breaker’
A cycle breaker in a family is someone who consciously chooses to develop different ways of communicating, interacting, living and thinking to their family of origin. This can start at a very young age, knowing early that you just think …
Being a Cycle Breaker is a Calling
To be a cycle breaker there has to be a certain kind of waking up to the dysfunctional family patterns. This usually happens over a period of time, but it can also happen over-night, leaving you feeling completely disorientated and …
How to Respond to Shaming Comments as a Cycle Breaker
As a cycle breaker it is important to understand that most of the resistance to you being different and wanting to break away from the family is based in FEAR. The underlying habit for many family systems is to shame …