When core needs go unmet, unhealthy coping mechanisms result. This is natural, because a child needs to keep themselves safe and over time, learns how to get their needs met, however they can. For many people, having needs at all …
Tag: attachment
The Unavailable Father
So much of the literature in mental health and psychology has focused on the mother and attachment with the mother. But what about our fathers? As children we need a healthy father figure. It doesn’t have to be a biological …
Trauma & Family
Unless attended to, historical trauma can be passed through family lines. Imagine a child growing up in a household with an alcoholic mother. The mother is sometimes present and caring, and sometimes she is neglectful and verbally or physically abusive. …
Trauma & Secure Attachment
When we experience trauma as a child and our mother (or primary caregiver) is not attuned to our needs this is an attachment trauma. 50% of the population have an insecure attachment style. This means the mother was not available …
The Dance of The Anxious and The Securely Attached
The honeymoon phase for the anxiously attached is wonderful, as they finally find someone to partner with. Deep down they feel that the world is not a safe place, so it is safer with someone than alone. The honeymoon phase …
The Dance of The Disorganised and the Securely Attached
So, it starts off great. It is AMAZING to finally be in a relationship with someone who appreciates and respects you. He is attentive, he calls and texts regularly and doesn’t leave you guessing. He does and says things that …
Creating a Secure Attachment Style – Corrective Experience (Part 8)
Is it SAFE to securely attach to my partner? This is the first question to consider when you have one of the three insecure attachment styles. Yesterday we talked about the corrective experience with a trained therapist. This is a …
Creating a Secure Attachment Style – Part 4
Usually we are subconsciously looking to the world to affirm our deepest beliefs about ourselves. This happens in a part of our brain called the reticular activating system. This part of the brain will notice things that align with our …
Creating a Secure Attachment Style – Part 3
DEVELOPING A COHERENT NARRATIVE ABOUT OUR LIFE. “Writing about important personal experiences in an emotional way for as little as 15 minutes over the course of three days brings about improvements in mental and psychical health” Pennebaker & Seagal, 1999. …
How to be with a Partner Who Has Disorganised Attachment
They have a deep need for consistency – being a safe person is essential Understanding their fear in relationship They will have emotional ups and downs – allow space for this WITH boundaries When in an argument they may dissociate …