One Way To Work With Your Critical Inner Voice

Did you grow up with critical parents? What were the comments that you heard? Did you get:โฃ

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  • You look fat in that
  • Nobody cares if you are here or notโฃ
  • You always make mistakesโฃ
  • You are so clumsyโฃ
  • You are just not very smart
  • You did that AGAIN?

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As children, we internalise how our parents feel about themselves AND what we are told, or what is implied in their behaviour. It can feel like you have your mother or father walking around inside your head.โฃ

๐“๐ก๐ข๐ฌ ๐œ๐ซ๐ข๐ญ๐ข๐œ๐š๐ฅ ๐ฏ๐จ๐ข๐œ๐ž ๐ฌ๐š๐›๐จ๐ญ๐š๐ ๐ž๐ฌ, ๐›๐ซ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ฌ ๐จ๐ง ๐ง๐ž๐ ๐š๐ญ๐ข๐ฏ๐ž ๐ฆ๐จ๐จ๐๐ฌ, ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ก๐จ๐ฅ๐๐ฌ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐›๐š๐œ๐ค.โฃ

My favourite question in this moment for myself is:โฃ

โ€œ๐ˆ๐Ÿ ๐ˆ ๐ฐ๐š๐ฌ ๐›๐ž๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ ๐ž๐ง๐ญ๐ฅ๐ž ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐ฆ๐ฒ๐ฌ๐ž๐ฅ๐Ÿ, ๐ฐ๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐ฐ๐จ๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ ๐ˆ ๐๐จ, or think ๐ง๐จ๐ฐ?โ€โฃ

My brain has to do a complete re-wire to answer this. The last thing the critical voice is is gentle. It is harsh, pushy, aggressive and demeaning. When I ask this question, it pulls a DIFFERENT part of myself to the fore. A part of me that can be gentle, a part that knows what โ€˜gentleโ€™ is. โฃ

Hereโ€™s an example:โฃ

  • The guy you are dating hasnโ€™t called you back yet. You find yourself spinning out, wondering what is going on, feeling insecure. โฃ
  • The critical voice says, โ€œWell, of course, he is not that interested. You are overweight at the moment and not that interesting. Iโ€™m sure heโ€™s met someone else. And this is pathetic, sitting around waiting for him to call.โ€โฃ
  • You hear the voice. Ouch. That hurt!โฃ
  • You ask the question: โ€œIf I was gentle with myself, what would I do now?โ€โฃ
  • A softer voice comes in to answer: โ€œI get why Iโ€™m feeling insecure. If I were being gentle with myself, I would call my girlfriend and have a giggle, then take a bath.โ€โฃ

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The whole scene shifts. When we choose to bring in gentleness, the whole energy changes.โฃ

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๐Ÿฆ‹Soโ€ฆif you were being gentle with yourself, what would you do right now?โฃ