You might feel grief for how you were spoken to as a child, AND be grateful for your home. You might have been parentified (asked to do things that were inappropriate for a child, e.g. take care of your mother) and feel that you didn't really have a childhood, AND be grateful that your gran was around with her kindness and support. You might feel grief for how your father’s mental illness affected your whole family AND be grateful that you had lots of time at gymnastics and on your grandparent's farm. Part of the work in therapy is to become more comfortable with the AND.