As a cycle breaker it is important to understand that most of the resistance to you being different and wanting to break away from the family is based in FEAR.
The underlying habit for many family systems is to shame or guilt members into conforming using one or more of the phrases from yesterday’s post.
When you hear one of the lines from yesterday’s post, it is easy to be reactive. You might find yourself getting angry, feeling invalidated, feeling FURIOUS, and that is totally valid as some of those sentences are rude and abusive. The problem is, when we lash out at them, we might find ourselves perpetuating some of the cycles we are trying to break.
This is why the ‘what this really means’ segment is so important. What this really means to each family member will be different, and what it means to the family system as a whole might be different. Once we have some understanding of what is REALLY going on, it can be easier to speak directly to the underlying issue.
You might like to:
- Write down some of the sentences you regularly hear from your family
- Write down the possible resistances and fears different members might have and where they might have come from
- Draft some responses that address the possible fears where appropriate, or put in place a clear boundary
Remember, when a family system is especially toxic, sometimes the healthiest thing to do is to take a break, do some intensive therapeutic healing work and then decide if, when and how you would like to re-engage. At the end of the day, you are the most important thing in the world to you and you need and deserve to be protected.
So much love to you all on your healing journey