The father wound is a wound that is passed down family lines. It comes about because of the father’s unhealed trauma and inner wounds, which created feelings of unworthiness within. Without healing, these wounds are passed to his children.
All children are hard wired for love. Children yearn for the look, touch, and focus of BOTH parents. When the father is attuned to the child and takes time to be with the child, a healthy relationship can form. However, when the father is emotionally unavailable different relational patterns start to form.
Maybe you learn that your father is not interested in you, except when you get great grades at school, and he sees you doing your homework. You become the CHASER. You learn that study and grades are the way to get his attention and a kind of love from him. You become an overachiever, find it hard to switch off, put a lot of academic pressure on yourself.
Or maybe you try a few things, but it is clear he is never going to notice you. You turn away from him energetically and emotionally. You close down and detach. You become the PROTECTOR. The protector of self. You are no longer willing to be hurt, so you shut down the desire to be loved. You later find yourself struggling to be vulnerable in intimate relationships, having one foot in and one foot out.
Part of the work with the father wound is the work of re-parenting. Re-parenting allows us to de-frost parts of ourselves that we froze in our childhood because we didn’t know what to do with the hurt. It frees us from the past and gives us the opportunity to create new expectations and experiences.
We can all be cycle breakers.