Fathers and Sons

After reading the last two posts lots of people have asked “What about the men?” How do men respond to the father wound? Of course, everyone’s response to any disconnection is different, so the core thing to remember that there is usually a sense of not being WORTHY of the time, love and attention of the father. ⁣⁠
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As children we are not mature enough to see our father’s depression, alcoholism or selfishness. We just feel rejection and pain and assume it must be something we are or do that is causing it.⁣⁠
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Boys from the age of six to fourteen start to look more and more to their father, or other male role model, for fun, activities and time. “This is the age when a boy becomes happy and secure about being a male…they want to ‘study how to be male” – Biddulph, 2003. ⁣⁠
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If a father is unavailable to his son at this age, there are often desperate attempts by the child to get his attention. It could be acting out, becoming a bully or destroying the house. Kids can be creative 😉.⁣⁠
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If they don’t get the attention they crave, eventually they will stop trying, and often will turn to their peers to learn about being male. 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐤𝐲 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐧, 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐚𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐬. ⁣⁠
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As an adult the son might find it difficult to express emotions, having learned to be emotionally numb from his father. He might also grow up to be an absent father, either physically or emotionally, as this is the pattern he has learnt from his father. He has learnt that father’s don’t really need to be present or interested in their children.⁣⁠
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In general, in my practice I see MANY young fathers who are very involved with their children and committed to being better fathers than they had. 𝐊𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐂𝐀𝐍 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐲𝐜𝐥𝐞 𝐢𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐫𝐮𝐧𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲.⁣⁠
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