Co-Regulation We are not born knowing how to soothe ourselves. We need to learn the felt sense of being soothed from someone who can bear our distress and stay regulated in their own nervous system. This is known as co-regulation. When we experience co-regulation, we learn what it feels like to be calm during stress. We learn what it feels like to be soothed. As we grow older, we internalise that soothing voice and state of the regulated nervous system and are able to self-soothe alone in times of stress. When you don’t experience this co-regulation from your caregivers, you might find it challenging to stay regulated as an adult. You might find yourself lacking a felt sense of safety. You can learn co-regulation as an adult from a therapist, loving friend or partner.