Anger is an emotion that is often a messenger.
It is great to get curious about what the message is and if a boundary needs to be put in place.
For example, if one of your friends repeatedly criticises your lifestyle choices and you find yourself feeling angry, it is likely you need to have an assertive conversation with that friend and let them know how it is making you feel.
They might think they are just being funny, or that it is ‘no big deal’, but if you feel differently, you need to let them know.
When setting the stage for this kind of discussion it is good to ensure:
- You are both sober
- You are in a private setting where you are not likely to be disturbed
The conversation might sound like:
“I really value you as a friend, and I have found you to be incredibly supportive at different times in my life and I enjoy having fun with you. Recently, you have been giving me quite a hard time about (becoming a vegan / deciding to take up sports training etc), and I have found myself becoming angry and sad about it. I value your support and wondered if you would be willing to support me with my new lifestyle?”
Sounds so easy when it is written like that!!! I know! With some practice and staying focused on the increased intimacy you desire in the relationship conversations like these can change everything.
Have you ever found anger has been the sign to change a boundary?